Rafael dropped dead at the bridge table just after the second trick. This was the last dummy he saw:
Rafael led the 9 of hearts, top of 3 bad cards, noting dummy had overbid a lot. His partner, his wife for more than 25 years, played the Ace. Rafael concluded she didn’t have the King. He had repeated to her so many times that, in 3rd seat, one has to play the lowest of touching honors. With AK, you play the King; with KQ, you play the Queen, etc. As she played the Ace, denying the King, he started to place cards in declarer’s hand.
At trick 2, his wife, realizing her mistake, promptly played the King of hearts.
When the King appeared, he looked up at the sky, then closed his eyes. His wife muttered some excuse, but her husband’s body was already falling to her right (was he righty?). He was still holding his cards when he fell to the ground before the horrified eyes of opponents and players from nearby tables. People gathered rapidly around the corpse.
"One down!" said one, receiving an elbow to the stomach from his chuckling neighbor.
"I want an average," said declarer to the director.
"Why?" asked the director.
"He revoked at trick 2."
Meanwhile, Rafael's soul was traveling towards outer places. He arrived quickly somewhere, a vast place, without walls, even if it was not outside. Somewhere at distance, very, very far away, he saw an enormous door, with a many people waiting in line, a long long line… forever.
"What happened?" he asked in Spanish to his neighbor.
"You just died."
"I am dead?"
"If you are here, you are dead."
"And who are all those people? All dead people?"
"Yes."
"Is that the Paradise we see in the distance?"
"Yes."
"Why this line?"
"Security measures."
"There are security measures to enter into Paradise?"
"Yes."
"How long does it take?"
"Are you in a hurry?"
"I guess not..."
"We have all eternity, you know."
"Right..."
The queue was moving nevertheless. Weather was nice, not hot, not cold, perfect for a naked soul. After an eternity, Rafael arrived at the door. He was greeted by a very serious clerk, who asked him his name, his place and date of birth, all in American English.
"Habla español?" he asked in Spanish.
"What?" asked the clerk clearly not understanding a word.
"Esto es el Paraíso?... Is this really the Paradise, not New York or Los Angeles?"
"What?"
"Can someone talk to me in Spanish?"
"What? Do you have something to declare?"
"I have only one question," Rafael said in his approximate English.
"What?"
"What happened in that 3nt contract I was defending when I died?"
"What?"
"I led the 9 of hearts."
"What?"
"My wife won with the Ace, denying the King."
"What?"
"But she had the King."
"What?"
"I told here many, many, many times that, in third position, the Ace denies the King."
"What?
"Mi dios," murmured Rafael to himself, completely dejected.
"You called me?" asked a gentle voice in Spanish.
"Who is speaking?"
"Me," responded a man in his 30s, with a beard, long hair, and the sweetest eyes.
"You are…"
"The good lord, yes. You called me?"
"No… yes… I think so. I am very happy to see you."
"Talk to me."
"How come we are greeted in English in heaven?"
"English is in fashion."
"OK. I would like to know what happened to this 3nt contract my wife and I were defending when I died. I had led…"
"I know," said God.
"You know?"
"I heard your conversation with the clerk."
"You are bilingual?"
"I speak all languages."
"Obviously, you are God. So what happened?"
"I don’t know."
"But you are God."
"Yes."
"God doesn’t know everything?"
"People exaggerate all the time. I know everything here in Paradise. What happened before your death, I know nothing."
"So, what are all those stories about cardinal sins, mortal sins, good behavior to go to Paradise?"
"Marketing."
"Wow! So you know nothing about my life?"
"Nothing."
"So you can’t tell me what happened in 3nt?"
"No."
"I will be wondering all eternity what was the result?"
"I am afraid so, yes."
"Isn't there any way to find out?"
"No."
"This is hell."
"No, it is heaven."
"No, I mean, not to know is a torture."
"Well, maybe, there is a way, but extreme."
"Tell me."
"You like bridge that much?"
"I just want to know if 3nt went down."
"You will know the answer only if you give up Paradise."
"Give up Paradise?"
"Yes."
"It is extreme, like you say."
"Right."
"To go where? Back to earth?"
"No."
"Where then?"
"To hell."
"Wow! Is hell that bad?"
"It is."
"Hmmm!"
"You really want to go to hell, just to know the answer to your question? Seems to me it is not very important."
"On the contrary. It is very important."
"Oh!"
"If I stay here, I will wonder for all eternity if 3nt went down."
"So?"
"It will be hell. Hell in Paradise, who wants that?"
"Yes, but you will be in Paradise."
"And I will suffer like hell."
"It is up to you."
What would you do?
Friday, April 26, 2013
Saturday, April 20, 2013
The Art of Ducking
A bridge table is always a small theatre where we can see characters of all sorts.
North-South or East-West, you see go by... the Happy one, the Aggressive, the Nervous, the Arrogant, the Professor, etc. And then there is the Expert: the-one-who-once-was-an-expert; the-one-who-wants-you-to-think-he's-an-expert; the-one-whom-everybody-thinks-he's-an-expert, etc. There is also the Beginner: the-one-who-apologises-for-being-a-Beginner; the one-who-wants-you-to-think-he's-still-a-Beginner; the-one-who-still-plays-with-the-beginners-because-he-doesn't-send-his-points-to-the-ACBL, etc.
At the local club, one night, you might see these three characters:
The first one, West, has been a good player but now he is only the Expert-who-is-always-right; he always find profound reasoning to justify his mistakes.
His partner, East, once had great ambitions but all she has left now is pretention.
Between the so-called Expert and the Pretentious, no partnership is possible, they just want to be clever. She is not as strong as he is, but she would never admit it. On defence, she questions, discusses, gets annoyed, cries out; he makes faces, doesn't answer, avoids discussion, etc. They have something in common though: they know the art of ducking.
This art seems to distinguish the expert from the ordinary player. To duck is an art, it is the last word in bridge.
The bidding:
Lead: Ace of ♣.
Sitting South we have a Beginner. Well, that's what the Expert and the Pretentious think of her and they don't even say Hello: they already duck.
The Beginner's bidding is, to say the least, aggressive. A quick look at dummy shows five winners; a second look tells her she has 6 losers: 4 clubs and the 2 major aces. Well, anyway, she tells herself, let' s go, my opponents seem so nice.
On the Ace of clubs, the Pretentious puts the 8; the Expert then plays the King of clubs, 9 from his partner. Here, the Expert makes his first deep play: he plays a low club - yet another advanced form of ducking. Declarer takes the Jack of clubs and plays a small spade: the Expert, who was not born yesterday, ducks and the King wins. Life is so beautiful, people are so understanding, rejoices the Beginner. I'm up to seven tricks. Now she lays a small trap, so small, childish: she plays Queen of hearts from dummy: the Pretentious, all at showing her superiority, ducks: 8 tricks.
The Beginner, starting to feel respect for those altruistic souls, thinks: she has ducked once, she may duck twice.
Jack of hearts from dummy: the Pretentious, keeping her cool... and her Ace of hearts, ducks again. To duck once was already a superior play, but what can you say about the second duck?
Good heavens, reflects the Beginner, there are no aces in this game. She even thinks of calling the Director. We can see that she doesn't understand the expert's play: To play your Aces, how vulgar! would have said the Pretentious.
But now, the Beginner, having received four tricks by gracious ducks, and before calling the director, becomes really vulgar and cashes 5 diamond tricks: 9 tricks and a cold TOP.
The last two tricks produce spectacular collisions between the Ace of ♥, the Ace of ♠, the Queen of ♣, the Expert and the Pretentious, all in front of the Beginner who is still asking herself where are all those Aces everyone told her should exist. We can see that she really doesn't understand the deepness of that expert play because who in the world can reduce 6 winners to 4?
Did I just make a squeeze?, she asks, dazzled.
They did it themselves, answers her partner. You have combined here many techniques: at bridge, there is the simple squeeze, the double squeeze and the triple squeeze; there is also the strip-squeeze (No, dear, it's not what you think!). There is also the ordinary dummy, the dummy reversal and the double dummy. You have just made a triple dummy plus an auto-squeeze by East-West, all of which was expressed by Jean de la Fontaine, a long time ago, when he said: The dum(m)est of the three is not the one you think... or should we say the dummiest of the three is not the one you think.
North-South or East-West, you see go by... the Happy one, the Aggressive, the Nervous, the Arrogant, the Professor, etc. And then there is the Expert: the-one-who-once-was-an-expert; the-one-who-wants-you-to-think-he's-an-expert; the-one-whom-everybody-thinks-he's-an-expert, etc. There is also the Beginner: the-one-who-apologises-for-being-a-Beginner; the one-who-wants-you-to-think-he's-still-a-Beginner; the-one-who-still-plays-with-the-beginners-because-he-doesn't-send-his-points-to-the-ACBL, etc.
At the local club, one night, you might see these three characters:
The first one, West, has been a good player but now he is only the Expert-who-is-always-right; he always find profound reasoning to justify his mistakes.
His partner, East, once had great ambitions but all she has left now is pretention.
Between the so-called Expert and the Pretentious, no partnership is possible, they just want to be clever. She is not as strong as he is, but she would never admit it. On defence, she questions, discusses, gets annoyed, cries out; he makes faces, doesn't answer, avoids discussion, etc. They have something in common though: they know the art of ducking.
This art seems to distinguish the expert from the ordinary player. To duck is an art, it is the last word in bridge.
The bidding:
Lead: Ace of ♣.
Sitting South we have a Beginner. Well, that's what the Expert and the Pretentious think of her and they don't even say Hello: they already duck.
The Beginner's bidding is, to say the least, aggressive. A quick look at dummy shows five winners; a second look tells her she has 6 losers: 4 clubs and the 2 major aces. Well, anyway, she tells herself, let' s go, my opponents seem so nice.
On the Ace of clubs, the Pretentious puts the 8; the Expert then plays the King of clubs, 9 from his partner. Here, the Expert makes his first deep play: he plays a low club - yet another advanced form of ducking. Declarer takes the Jack of clubs and plays a small spade: the Expert, who was not born yesterday, ducks and the King wins. Life is so beautiful, people are so understanding, rejoices the Beginner. I'm up to seven tricks. Now she lays a small trap, so small, childish: she plays Queen of hearts from dummy: the Pretentious, all at showing her superiority, ducks: 8 tricks.
The Beginner, starting to feel respect for those altruistic souls, thinks: she has ducked once, she may duck twice.
Jack of hearts from dummy: the Pretentious, keeping her cool... and her Ace of hearts, ducks again. To duck once was already a superior play, but what can you say about the second duck?
Good heavens, reflects the Beginner, there are no aces in this game. She even thinks of calling the Director. We can see that she doesn't understand the expert's play: To play your Aces, how vulgar! would have said the Pretentious.
But now, the Beginner, having received four tricks by gracious ducks, and before calling the director, becomes really vulgar and cashes 5 diamond tricks: 9 tricks and a cold TOP.
The last two tricks produce spectacular collisions between the Ace of ♥, the Ace of ♠, the Queen of ♣, the Expert and the Pretentious, all in front of the Beginner who is still asking herself where are all those Aces everyone told her should exist. We can see that she really doesn't understand the deepness of that expert play because who in the world can reduce 6 winners to 4?
Did I just make a squeeze?, she asks, dazzled.
They did it themselves, answers her partner. You have combined here many techniques: at bridge, there is the simple squeeze, the double squeeze and the triple squeeze; there is also the strip-squeeze (No, dear, it's not what you think!). There is also the ordinary dummy, the dummy reversal and the double dummy. You have just made a triple dummy plus an auto-squeeze by East-West, all of which was expressed by Jean de la Fontaine, a long time ago, when he said: The dum(m)est of the three is not the one you think... or should we say the dummiest of the three is not the one you think.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Mona Lisa and the Lacemaker
Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519)
Vermeer (1632-1675)
RHO opens 1♦and you overcall 1♥with:
Your card says Overcalls occasionally light! LHO negative doubles, showing 4 spades, your partner cue-bids and you end up in 2♥.
LHO leads a small diamond and RHO plays the Queen, then the King. You are playing duplicate and you have to try to make the maximum number of tricks. At the start of the hand, you have 6 losers: 2 spades, 1 heart, 1 diamond and 2 clubs! Can you reduce that number? Can you think of making 10 tricks?
First a bit of discovery.
You ruff the King of diamonds and play a club, small, King, Ace.
Stop, and count: RHO thus has AKQ of diamonds and the Ace of clubs, 13 points already.
In hand with the Ace of clubs, RHO plays back the 10 of hearts. LHO seems to have the King of hearts, because RHO did not open 1NT. You play small from hand, LHO plays small too! RHO has at least 15 points and did not open 1NT. For his part, LHO has to have KQxx in spades and Jxxx in diamonds, a minimum for his negative double at the first level.
But why didn’t RHO open 1NT? That is the question! He has at least 15 points and no singleton, LHO’s negative double showing only 4 spades. RHO’s hand is therefore an open book:
xx
K10
AKQxx
A(J)xx
In dummy with the Queen of hearts, you play back a heart, King, Ace.
There, you are at the crossroads. You feel this light euphoria, announcing that you are in the zone, this second state you access when you see the cards. And what do you see? You see that, to make 10 tricks, you have to go to dummy, ruff the last diamond, go back to dummy and play a small spade towards your J972. You will need only to cover RHO’s card, and LHO will be endplayed with an honour (if he doesn’t have the 10), forced to concede ruff and discard or to play back a spade away from his other honour. You will score +170, certainly an excellent score.
In fact you are playing for the following position:
On the edge of your chair, you are literally floating. The beauty of the play, that’s the objective. Thus, the goal of a bridge player is not to play only his own 26 cards, but to play all the 52 cards (opponents don’t have the choice then) in order to recreate this image he has of the deal. A bridge deal contains an order, a structure, an innate organisation, an original and organic layout. The bridge player has to find this primary state and, if he succeeds in reconstructing it, he will have created a perfect object, a masterpiece, whatever the level of the contract.
I have visited many museums all over the world and I have seen thousands of paintings. I can say that, for the immense majority of them, you say to yourself Very nice, and you go on to the next one. But when you arrive before certain paintings by Vermeer (1632-1675) or by Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519), you stop, you are compelledto stop, and you say to yourself: "Now, this is perfect!"
These paintings are perfect, and nothing about them can be changed.
At bridge, it is the same thing: once the cards are dealt, the hand as a whole is perfect and nothing can be changed.
And what sign the bridge player should look for, that will tell him how the cards lie? Simply the state he is in, this febrile condition of acute lucidity, like before the paintings listed above.
You play a club, LHO follows with the 9, you hesitate, heart pounding. Finally, you play the 10 of clubs in dummy, which holds. It is really too beautiful and the rest is like a dream: diamond ruffed, club to the Queen. Then small spade …
RHO plays small, and you add the last touch to your masterpiece: you play the 7 of spades and LHO wins the Queen!!
He comes back a diamond (whatever), you pitch a spade in dummy, ruff in your hand and score +170, a top. More importantly, you taste this immense pleasure, this perfect satisfaction of having imagined the layout, of having been able to predict the play and seen the cards obey your will.
At the Louvre in Paris, Mona Lisa looks at you, wherever you are, near or far away, to the right or to the left, and her smile is directed towards you, personally. You stay there a long time, unable to leave her, unable to turn away. Gradually you find she has some imperfections: her right eye seems to squint a little bit, her nose is a bit too long, her mouth is small, her hair badly done, and her shoulders are sloping. But you stay there, without moving, subdued by all this perfection. People around you are talking, a guide is arguing with one tourist who is trying to show off (the French!), you hear everything, and you don’t hear a thing. Mona Lisa's eyes and her smile, ironic and at the same time indulgent, are telling you: "Don’t judge them too harshly, we are all imperfect. At this very moment, you are discovering my imperfections, and, at the same time, you are fascinated! And the more you will find my imperfections, the more you will love me!"
A bridge hand contains a series of imperfections (your spades are anaemic, you are missing K10 of hearts and AJ of clubs), but the sum of all these imperfections can produce the most perfect beauty. And this beauty intoxicates us when we succeed, with will, courage, imagination and concentration (all human qualities) in recreating this series of imperfections, in putting them in order, in using these imperfections to create a perfect object, a masterpiece, i.e. a work where nothing can be changed, where everything is necessary.
Take a good look at Vermeer’s characters; they are all perfectly concentrating on ordinary, daily, down to earth tasks: one woman is pouring milk, the other is weighing pearls, and a third one is making lace. These paintings are unforgettable masterpieces, inspired by little duties, done by little people, but carefully, diligently, with total concentration, like when you have to play a little 2♥contract.
Your heart still races even today when you think about it, like when you think back of the Mona Lisa, and you say to yourself :
"Is it possible to have so much grace?"
Monday, April 1, 2013
Is it quick?
The vaporetto passes by Santa Maria della Salute, the most beautiful church in Venice for you, then by the Guggenheim Museum, with his bronze horseman in the garden overlooking the Grand Canal. The cavalier, naked, is sitting on a horse, his two arms extended, and his penis is in erection, all the time obviously, it is in bronze (do I really have to explain everything?). The excessively rich Peggy Guggenheim, naughty, had nevertheless thought ahead: the penis is removable! So, when she would receive archbishops and dignitaries from the Vatican, she would unscrew the "object" so as not to shock those austere clergymen.
A little further, the vaporetto arrives at the San Silvestro Station and, approaching, you notice a young American with a young woman, probably his wife. The young American seems in a hurry. When the vaporetto stops, the employee opens the gate to let the people out and in, and announces the last station: "Ferrovia"!
The young American doesn't seem too eager to get in, where it's already quite crowded. "Let's wait for the next one," he says. "I don't want to wait, let's take this one," replies the wife. So the young American asks: Is it quick?
If you are in a hurry, don't go to Venice and don't play bridge. At bridge, the Is it quickapproach is always bad. If you need 15 minutes to play a hand, take 15 minutes. The club players will be irritated by your slow tempo (they don't know Venice), but let them stew (vaporetto… stew, get it?)
You have :
2♥ showed a game forcing hand with a club fit and no majors. 4♣ insists for slam, 4♦ is kickback RKC and 4♠ says 0 or 3. 4NT asks for the Queen, if 4♠ said 3. 5♦ says: I have the trump Queen and the diamond King. You can now count to 11 tricks, 12 if partner has 6 clubs or a queen somewhere. As this is matchpoints, you choose 6NT.
The lead is a spade.
Only 11 tricks, and you see that 6 clubs is cold.
In NT, only 11 tricks and no finesse possible. Maybe West has underled QJ of spades. You call for the 10, no luck, East covers with the Queen.
Now what? Do you win this trick?
99% of the players, in a hurry, tourists of bridge, would win without thinking. But you are not like them and you decide to listen to me and think.
There are not 100 solutions for a 12th trick, there is only one, a squeeze, this mythological animal that not many players have seen.
"How did he make 3nt against you?"
"He squeezed me."
"Excuse me! You know the squeeze now?"
"I don't know, that's what he said to his partner: I squeezed her."
"And you let him do that to you? In front of his partner?"
I'll tell you how this works: some get squeezed and can do nothing about that. Some others make squeezes and they don't know it. Even you, you squeezed me once or twice, but I didn't tell you. What we don't know doesn't hurt, used to say my mother.
So here it is. The first condition for a squeeze is the number of winners compared to the number of remaining tricks: you need to have all winners except one. Here you have 11 tricks, so you need to lose one trick to reduce the number of remaining tricks to 12: that is called rectifying the count. So why not duck that 1st trick? You will have 11 winners and 12 tricks remaining. Too tough, you say? Not very tough.
East comes back with the Queen of hearts and you should suspect he has no more spades. West probably has 6 spades to the Jack, and East, 4 or 5 hearts QJTx(x). At trick 2, you already know a lot of things. And that's not all: the moment you will play 2 clubs, you will know for sure everything on opponents' hands. After 4 tricks, you will know the distributions all around the table. Bridge is easy, I think, when you apply yourself. If you play quickly though (Is it quick?), without looking, you are dead. Take your time.
Should you win this heart Queen in hand or in dummy? Try to look ahead, like Peggy Guggenheim. When you will cash dummy's clubs, with K9 of hearts in your hand, you will just have to watch for East's J10 of hearts. So the 2 most important cards in your hand are the 9 of hearts and the… 5 of spades. These 2 cards will be of no use, except to threaten East/West.
So win with the heart Ace in dummy, West follows with the 8, then play clubs. At the 2nd round of clubs, West discards and… you know everything. Here's how the cards were probably dealt at the start:
and we are now here:
Now ask yourself this question: if West has to keep the spades and East the hearts, who will guard the diamonds? Nobody! But do you have to count the diamonds as well? NO! The diamonds are of no interest, even if it is those diamonds that will give you this contract. Follow closely.
Are you done yet? Is it quick? No. You have to take your time, first to watch the important cards, and then to enjoy the progression of the squeeze. At the beginning, the defenders don't feel nothing and they wonder why you look so closely at their cards (like on the Grand Canal, on this last morning, you admired Palace Barbarigo and its magnificent mosaics, then Ca'Rezzonico; you went under the Rialto, soon on your right you rediscovered the Ca' D'oro where you could see Tiziano's Venus; then finally you watched the Palace Vendramin-Calergi where Wagner died).
The defenders seem puzzled by your manners. They look at their cards a second time, trying to be funny. They don't know that you don't really look at their cards on the table; you are focusing on the image of their hands in your mind. After a few cards, the defenders become less ironic, they move on their seat, change positions, they don't smile anymore, they notice that discarding, which was so easy at the beginning, is getting more and more complicated.
Now play AK of spades, pitching a small heart from dummy. East can't follow, so he pitches his last club, then a heart. No problem yet for East-West.
Now cash your 3 clubs. On the 2nd and 3rd club, East has to keep J10 of hearts, so he has to discard 2 diamonds. As you didn't see the J nor the 10 of hearts fall, you discard your now useless 9 of hearts. Let's see West now: he can let go of a heart, then a spade, but he cannot discard his last master spade, so he discards a diamond.
And now the coup de grâce for West: small heart to your King. He can't let go of his master spade, so he discards a diamond. We have now:
Magic, isn't it? East and West each have a winner which is useless and you have now 3 diamond winners without ever having played a diamond. 12 tricks. The most fascinating thing here is that you never look at the diamonds.
The squeeze is the most exhilarating play in bridge. A squeeze is actually quite easy, either it works or it doesn't work. If it doesn't work, it is not your fault; if it works, it is not because you are brilliant. A squeeze works by itself, as long as you are careful to take the steps we have explained. And you don't have to be in slam for a squeeze to happen; you can make a squeeze in 3NT, 2♥, even 1♣.
When you notice that you are executing a squeeze, especially the first time, slow down and savour this flawless machinery, this infailible logic, and you will know the supreme pleasure in bridge.
To visit Venice, is it quick? NO. Same at bridge.
When you apply yourself, you access another world, you don't hear anything, you are a 100% focused on what is happening, you are elsewhere and in the present moment, you admire Palace Foscari-Contarini, the San Simeon Piccolo Church and you don't want to get off the vaporetto… "Ferrovia !!!"
The guide announces the last stop. The hand is over and you have to leave Venice. The young American leaves the boat in a hurry. But you know you have enjoyed the ride to the maximum, you have counted the hearts and the spades, the clubs and the diamonds, you have walked a long time and everywhere, in the morning and in the evening, in the small streets and on the Grand Canal, at all times of day and night.
When you will succeed in performing your first squeeze, consciously, you will be so excited that you will start to look for that play in every contract you play. You will want to experience again this unforgettable extra sensorial state, you will want to go back to Venice and relive this ecstasy, like the horseman in Peggy Guggenheim's garden.
LES CORBEAUX, LES ROMAINS, L’HUMANITÉ ET LE BRIDGE
Un châtelain avait dans son grenier un corbeau dont il voulait se débarrasser. Un jour il monta, armé d’un balai. Le corbeau le vit venir, devina ses intentions et alla se percher sur l’arbre voisin. Lorsque le châtelain redescendit avec son balai, le corbeau regagna son logis.
Le châtelain ne s’avoua pas vaincu pour autant. Il revint le lendemain avec un ami, tous deux armés d’un balai; le corbeau s’enfuit sur son arbre. Après dix minutes, l’un des deux comparses descendit pendant que l’autre restait à son poste, convaincu de tromper le corbeau. Il attendit, attendit et attendit. Lassé, il descendit enfin, et le corbeau d’un coup d’aile revint au bercail.
Deux jours plus tard, le châtelain rappliqua, cette fois-ci avec deux complices. Même manège, même résultat : le corbeau attendit patiemment que tout le monde fût redescendu et revint sous les combles.
Avec trois complices, idem. Le corbeau, futé, comptait simplement les gens qui montaient et attendait que le même nombre redescende.
Toutefois, lorsque le châtelain monta avec 4 personnes, ce qui faisait un total de cinq, le corbeau se trouva incapable de les compter et le châtelain réussit enfin dans ses noirs desseins.
Vous vous demandez évidemment si je vous emmène en bateau? Eh! bien non, les corbeaux, comme les humains, sont capables de saisir un certain nombre d’éléments sans avoir besoin de compter (Lire Histoire universelle des chiffres).
Quel est le plus grand nombre d’éléments immédiatement saisissables par l’esprit humain, sans qu’il n’ait besoin de compter? 4 justement. Voilà sans doute pourquoi les villes d’Europe plaisent tant à l’œil et que leur environnement nous paraît si ... naturel. Les édifices de Paris, Hambourg, Munich, Vienne, Rome, etc., ont généralement 4 étages.
Les hommes de la préhistoire faisaient des coches pour compter le gibier, mais, au-delà de 4, ils trouvaient que le calcul s’embrouillait. Ils ont donc inventé ce petit stratagème de faire 4 coches verticales et de barrer ces coches par une coche horizontale pour faire des groupes de cinq faciles à compter. Un peu comme les 4 doigts de la main et … le pouce.
En indo-européen (famille de langues à l’origine des langues parlées aujourd’hui en Europe et en Asie), les 4 premiers chiffres sont déclinables, c’est-à-dire qu’ils s’accordent selon la fonction du mot auquel ils se rapportent, comme en latin rosa, rosa, rosam, etc., mais indéclinables ensuite.
Dans la Rome impériale, on ne donnait un nom qu’aux 4 premiers enfants, le cinquième s’appelant simplement le cinquième (Quintilien), le septième (Septime) ou le huitième (Octave). Même chose pour les mois de l’année. Le calendrier romain ne comptait que 10 mois, et seuls les 4 premiers portaient un nom : mars, avril, mai, juin, noms de divinités romaines. À partir du 5e mois, on disait simplement 5e mois (quintilis), 6e mois (sextilis), etc. Voilà pourquoi on a septembre (le 7e), octobre (le 8e), novembre (le 9e) et décembre (le 10e).
Vous me direz sûrement qu’il n’y a pas de 5e mois, puisqu’il se nomme juillet, et que le 6e se nomme août. Je vous répondrai que juillet se nommait «quintilis» (le 5e ) jusqu’à ce que Marc Antoine décide de le nommer Julius, en l’honneur de Jules César, né en juillet et réformateur du calendrier en 45 avant notre ère. Août quant à lui, qui se nommait «sextilis» (le 6e), vient d’Auguste, lui aussi empereur qui a décidé de laisser son nom à la postérité. On retrouve d’ailleurs littéralement le nom Augustus en anglais avec August. Mais, ne vous y trompez pas, le mot français «août» descend bien du latin «augustus» (avec l’évolution phonétique sur plus de 2000 ans : augustus, puis agustus, puis aoust au 12e siècle, et finalement août, avec ce circonflexe qui rappelle l’ancien s, comme dans fêter (festival), tête (teste), hôpital (hospitaliser), etc.
Notre univers compte 4 éléments : air, terre, eau et feu.
Il y a aussi les 4 points cardinaux, les 4 saisons.
Il y a les 4 coins du monde.
Et aussi :
aux 4 vents
se mettre en 4
ne pas avoir 4 bras
ne pas y aller par 4 chemins
passer en 4e
couper les cheveux en 4
(Marie-4-Poches, vous vous souvenez?)
un de ces 4 matins
la semaine des 4 jeudis
les 4 fers en l’air
se saigner aux 4 veines
entre quat’z’yeux
être tiré à 4 épingles
donner son 4% (ce n’est pas dans Le Petit Robert; êtes-vous surpris?)
faire les 4 cents coups
à 4 pas d’ici
une babiole de 4 sous
faire ses 4 volontés
dire ses 4 vérités
monter les marches 4 à 4
manger comme 4
etc.
4, un chiffre magique?
La main compte 4 doigts ... et un pouce opposable (ce qui nous permet de tenir les cartes … pour jouer au bridge).
Au bridge, il y a 4 joueurs, 4 couleurs. Lorsqu’on va cueillir les atouts, on n’a pas vraiment besoin de compter : l’œil saisit, sans compter, lorsque tout le monde fournit.
Lorsqu’on joue dans un fit 4-4, on cueille les atouts comme suit : 1er tour, 4 atouts; 2e tour, 4 atouts; 3e tour, 3 atouts; et il nous en reste 2.
4432, la distribution la plus fréquente au bridge.
La 4e couleur, au bridge, est trèfle, mot qui signifie «3 feuilles»; d’où l’expression «trèfle à 4 feuilles», au sens figuré, plante ou objet rare.
Lorsqu’on joue dans un fit 4-4, ces deux chiffres pairs produiront … 5 levées. On tire les atouts en 3 tours, et il reste encore 2 atouts, un dans chaque main, pour couper et produire 2 autres levées.
Le bridge réalise-t-il donc la quadrature du cercle? Pourquoi pas?
The geometric figure symbolizing the man is the square, 4 corners (as in the famous drawing of Leonardo da Vinci), while the image of the divine is the circle (perfection). In the drawing of Leonardo, the square is in the circle: man enters the divine.
At bridge, sometimes the mistakes of others (imperfect) give you the chance to be perfect.
You play 3NT. The lead is the heart 7, apparently top of nothing, since the rule of 11 tells you there are 4 cards higher than the 7, and you have all 4 higher than the 7. Only Q9 are missing, so East probably has Queen fourth.
But, at the 4th trick, he had to think, take his time and do what we always have to do at bridge: count. This heart return, less than divine (!), gives you the opportunity for 11 tricks, if you know how to take advantage.
At duplicate, you need to take advantage of such mistakes, because the top generally resides in card play, not in bidding. West demonstrated here he did not enter the circle of the divine. Worse, he made absolutely no effort to enter the divine. He did not think for a second, he did not count declarer’s tricks. Bridge allows humans to enter the circle of the divine, but only if they are willing to make the effort.
Access to the divine is not and never will be by chance. In this, bridge enables us to equal the gods.
You win the heart return with the King in dummy, come back to your hand with the King of clubs and… count.
East probably has 4 hearts to the Queen and also 4 spades to the Queen, West not having lead a spade. He preferred to lead the 7 from 7xx in hearts than lead a spade from Axx. If East has 4432, with or without the Ace of diamonds, he is dead. If he has the Ace, he will be squeezed. If he doesn’t have it, he will be end played with the heart Queen at trick 11 and will be forced to give you 2 spade tricks.
East therefore has probably 4432, and you have 4423. The hands were then probably these:
And we are now here:
It is now time to cash the Ace of hearts (West follows, confirming your analysis), discarding a diamond from dummy. You then play a club to dummy and follow the discards (and signs of discomfort) from East.
On the club to the Ace, he discards a diamond. On the following club, another diamond. On the last club, unable to bear the pressure, he throws his Queen of diamonds.
4 cards remain. Here is the situation created by West’s return at trick 4.
That is the end you foresaw at trick 4.
You play a spade to your 10, winning. Then the 10 of hearts to East’s Queen. He must play back a spade, inverted stepping stone, to the last 2 tricks, +660, top.
At bridge, if you want access the divine, we must agree to split hairs in 4.
And some day, at trick 4, you will be able to foresee the play 4 tricks from the end.
Le châtelain ne s’avoua pas vaincu pour autant. Il revint le lendemain avec un ami, tous deux armés d’un balai; le corbeau s’enfuit sur son arbre. Après dix minutes, l’un des deux comparses descendit pendant que l’autre restait à son poste, convaincu de tromper le corbeau. Il attendit, attendit et attendit. Lassé, il descendit enfin, et le corbeau d’un coup d’aile revint au bercail.
Deux jours plus tard, le châtelain rappliqua, cette fois-ci avec deux complices. Même manège, même résultat : le corbeau attendit patiemment que tout le monde fût redescendu et revint sous les combles.
Avec trois complices, idem. Le corbeau, futé, comptait simplement les gens qui montaient et attendait que le même nombre redescende.
Toutefois, lorsque le châtelain monta avec 4 personnes, ce qui faisait un total de cinq, le corbeau se trouva incapable de les compter et le châtelain réussit enfin dans ses noirs desseins.
Vous vous demandez évidemment si je vous emmène en bateau? Eh! bien non, les corbeaux, comme les humains, sont capables de saisir un certain nombre d’éléments sans avoir besoin de compter (Lire Histoire universelle des chiffres).
Quel est le plus grand nombre d’éléments immédiatement saisissables par l’esprit humain, sans qu’il n’ait besoin de compter? 4 justement. Voilà sans doute pourquoi les villes d’Europe plaisent tant à l’œil et que leur environnement nous paraît si ... naturel. Les édifices de Paris, Hambourg, Munich, Vienne, Rome, etc., ont généralement 4 étages.
Les hommes de la préhistoire faisaient des coches pour compter le gibier, mais, au-delà de 4, ils trouvaient que le calcul s’embrouillait. Ils ont donc inventé ce petit stratagème de faire 4 coches verticales et de barrer ces coches par une coche horizontale pour faire des groupes de cinq faciles à compter. Un peu comme les 4 doigts de la main et … le pouce.
En indo-européen (famille de langues à l’origine des langues parlées aujourd’hui en Europe et en Asie), les 4 premiers chiffres sont déclinables, c’est-à-dire qu’ils s’accordent selon la fonction du mot auquel ils se rapportent, comme en latin rosa, rosa, rosam, etc., mais indéclinables ensuite.
Dans la Rome impériale, on ne donnait un nom qu’aux 4 premiers enfants, le cinquième s’appelant simplement le cinquième (Quintilien), le septième (Septime) ou le huitième (Octave). Même chose pour les mois de l’année. Le calendrier romain ne comptait que 10 mois, et seuls les 4 premiers portaient un nom : mars, avril, mai, juin, noms de divinités romaines. À partir du 5e mois, on disait simplement 5e mois (quintilis), 6e mois (sextilis), etc. Voilà pourquoi on a septembre (le 7e), octobre (le 8e), novembre (le 9e) et décembre (le 10e).
Vous me direz sûrement qu’il n’y a pas de 5e mois, puisqu’il se nomme juillet, et que le 6e se nomme août. Je vous répondrai que juillet se nommait «quintilis» (le 5e ) jusqu’à ce que Marc Antoine décide de le nommer Julius, en l’honneur de Jules César, né en juillet et réformateur du calendrier en 45 avant notre ère. Août quant à lui, qui se nommait «sextilis» (le 6e), vient d’Auguste, lui aussi empereur qui a décidé de laisser son nom à la postérité. On retrouve d’ailleurs littéralement le nom Augustus en anglais avec August. Mais, ne vous y trompez pas, le mot français «août» descend bien du latin «augustus» (avec l’évolution phonétique sur plus de 2000 ans : augustus, puis agustus, puis aoust au 12e siècle, et finalement août, avec ce circonflexe qui rappelle l’ancien s, comme dans fêter (festival), tête (teste), hôpital (hospitaliser), etc.
Notre univers compte 4 éléments : air, terre, eau et feu.
Il y a aussi les 4 points cardinaux, les 4 saisons.
Il y a les 4 coins du monde.
Et aussi :
aux 4 vents
se mettre en 4
ne pas avoir 4 bras
ne pas y aller par 4 chemins
passer en 4e
couper les cheveux en 4
(Marie-4-Poches, vous vous souvenez?)
un de ces 4 matins
la semaine des 4 jeudis
les 4 fers en l’air
se saigner aux 4 veines
entre quat’z’yeux
être tiré à 4 épingles
donner son 4% (ce n’est pas dans Le Petit Robert; êtes-vous surpris?)
faire les 4 cents coups
à 4 pas d’ici
une babiole de 4 sous
faire ses 4 volontés
dire ses 4 vérités
monter les marches 4 à 4
manger comme 4
etc.
4, un chiffre magique?
La main compte 4 doigts ... et un pouce opposable (ce qui nous permet de tenir les cartes … pour jouer au bridge).
Au bridge, il y a 4 joueurs, 4 couleurs. Lorsqu’on va cueillir les atouts, on n’a pas vraiment besoin de compter : l’œil saisit, sans compter, lorsque tout le monde fournit.
Lorsqu’on joue dans un fit 4-4, on cueille les atouts comme suit : 1er tour, 4 atouts; 2e tour, 4 atouts; 3e tour, 3 atouts; et il nous en reste 2.
4432, la distribution la plus fréquente au bridge.
La 4e couleur, au bridge, est trèfle, mot qui signifie «3 feuilles»; d’où l’expression «trèfle à 4 feuilles», au sens figuré, plante ou objet rare.
Lorsqu’on joue dans un fit 4-4, ces deux chiffres pairs produiront … 5 levées. On tire les atouts en 3 tours, et il reste encore 2 atouts, un dans chaque main, pour couper et produire 2 autres levées.
Le bridge réalise-t-il donc la quadrature du cercle? Pourquoi pas?
The geometric figure symbolizing the man is the square, 4 corners (as in the famous drawing of Leonardo da Vinci), while the image of the divine is the circle (perfection). In the drawing of Leonardo, the square is in the circle: man enters the divine.
You play 3NT. The lead is the heart 7, apparently top of nothing, since the rule of 11 tells you there are 4 cards higher than the 7, and you have all 4 higher than the 7. Only Q9 are missing, so East probably has Queen fourth.
- You play small in dummy, East plays the 9 and you win the Jack (not the 10, always hide your cards as declarer).
- You play a club to the queen, which holds.
- Next you play a small spade. East plays small, you play the Jack.
- West wins the Ace and, without thinking, plays back a heart.
But, at the 4th trick, he had to think, take his time and do what we always have to do at bridge: count. This heart return, less than divine (!), gives you the opportunity for 11 tricks, if you know how to take advantage.
At duplicate, you need to take advantage of such mistakes, because the top generally resides in card play, not in bidding. West demonstrated here he did not enter the circle of the divine. Worse, he made absolutely no effort to enter the divine. He did not think for a second, he did not count declarer’s tricks. Bridge allows humans to enter the circle of the divine, but only if they are willing to make the effort.
Access to the divine is not and never will be by chance. In this, bridge enables us to equal the gods.
You win the heart return with the King in dummy, come back to your hand with the King of clubs and… count.
East probably has 4 hearts to the Queen and also 4 spades to the Queen, West not having lead a spade. He preferred to lead the 7 from 7xx in hearts than lead a spade from Axx. If East has 4432, with or without the Ace of diamonds, he is dead. If he has the Ace, he will be squeezed. If he doesn’t have it, he will be end played with the heart Queen at trick 11 and will be forced to give you 2 spade tricks.
East therefore has probably 4432, and you have 4423. The hands were then probably these:
And we are now here:
It is now time to cash the Ace of hearts (West follows, confirming your analysis), discarding a diamond from dummy. You then play a club to dummy and follow the discards (and signs of discomfort) from East.
On the club to the Ace, he discards a diamond. On the following club, another diamond. On the last club, unable to bear the pressure, he throws his Queen of diamonds.
4 cards remain. Here is the situation created by West’s return at trick 4.
That is the end you foresaw at trick 4.
You play a spade to your 10, winning. Then the 10 of hearts to East’s Queen. He must play back a spade, inverted stepping stone, to the last 2 tricks, +660, top.
At bridge, if you want access the divine, we must agree to split hairs in 4.
And some day, at trick 4, you will be able to foresee the play 4 tricks from the end.
The 25% Syndrome (Little Devils)
The first quality of a good bridge player is probably discipline, obedience to the partnership's bidding system and philosophy.
So my partner and I have reached an agreement on certain rules never to be broken.
For example, at the beginning of a session, my partner doesn't always have her whole mind at the table and, in order to compensate, we have designed a protection kit. At first we thought of making a special request in order to skip the first round, but the ACBL's psychiatrist told us we suffered from a syndrome called traumatism of apprehension coupled with a compulsive tendency to procrastination, that there was no known cure and that we had to accept the fact there would alwaysbe a first round. We then asked to begin with the last round, but that too was impossible.
"Even with computers?" we challenged.
"Even with computers!"
"OK then. Could we not say that beginning with the last round is like a psych and that, if the ACBL tolerates psychs, why not this one?"
This reasoning finally used up all the shrink's phoney scientific behaviour.
"Because that's the way it is!" were his famous last words as he walked out with his mother.
Like my partner was saying after the session (with the analyst, not at the club):
"That little devil is telling us 'we' have a syndrome!"
So we finally accepted the fact that, if we want to play bridge, we have to begin with the first round. That's why we have all those rules which permit us to survive until the second round, beginning of sessionhaving been defined as only the first round.
Here are our rules, not necessarily in order of priority:
You play 4♠:
The lead is Jack of diamonds. East takes with the King and plays back a diamond.
What are your chances? Write that down, naturally, in order to avoid saying after reading the solution: It's obvious I would have played that way. I know, that's what I always say.
While you're pondering, let's continue; everybody knows that a double finesse has a 75% chance of success.
If you have:
and you take two successive finesses (small twice towards AJ109), you should make three tricks 75% of the time.
My partner, though, always plays this combination this way: first, like a big girl, she plays small towards the Jack which loses to an Honour. Back in dummy, she plays another small card towards her hand and, if East plays small, she hesitates, hesitates, hesitates and, unable to resist, always plays the Ace, catching air 75% of the time, and the other Honour 25% of the time.
Voilà!, you know now the reason behind my title. We explained this many times to her, but she continues to play in this fashion.
You see, in real life, my wife is an auditor and nothing escapes her. The little devilswho try to sneak by her are always caught and walk straight afterwards.
At the bridge table, my partner continues her hunt for the little devils who hide behind her with KQ or QJ tight. And, if ever she takes the double finesse (against all her bones and soul) and the two honours were tight behind her, we hear all sorts of things about our so-called probabilities.
After your Queen of diamond, you examine the situation; your still have 3 losers : one spade, one heart and one club (the other club goes on the Ace of diamond). You play Ace of spade, 7, 3, 2. Small heart towards dummy, West jumps on the Ace, plays Ace of clubs and a heart. You play a spade from dummy, 8 from East, ???
Why did West play his Club Ace? One should always be suspicious of a player who wins an Ace in a situation without any urgency. By playing the Ace of clubs, doesn't he tell you he has the 4th trick for defence in his hand, the Queen of spades?
He most certainly has the Queen of spades and, if he has Qxx, you will go down. You play the King, catching the Queen doubleton.
Back to your home, you show this problem to your partner, well prepared to present her your scientific dissertation on the count of HCP, psychology, probabilities, 75%, 50%, 25%, etc. In two seconds, she says: I play the King!
Proud of her (and mainly of yourself for teaching her so well), you ask why and she replies promptly:
"West, that little devil, has put me back in dummy to force me into a finesse in spades, do you think he can fool me? They're all the same, all little devils!"
So my partner and I have reached an agreement on certain rules never to be broken.
For example, at the beginning of a session, my partner doesn't always have her whole mind at the table and, in order to compensate, we have designed a protection kit. At first we thought of making a special request in order to skip the first round, but the ACBL's psychiatrist told us we suffered from a syndrome called traumatism of apprehension coupled with a compulsive tendency to procrastination, that there was no known cure and that we had to accept the fact there would alwaysbe a first round. We then asked to begin with the last round, but that too was impossible.
"Even with computers?" we challenged.
"Even with computers!"
"OK then. Could we not say that beginning with the last round is like a psych and that, if the ACBL tolerates psychs, why not this one?"
This reasoning finally used up all the shrink's phoney scientific behaviour.
"Because that's the way it is!" were his famous last words as he walked out with his mother.
Like my partner was saying after the session (with the analyst, not at the club):
"That little devil is telling us 'we' have a syndrome!"
So we finally accepted the fact that, if we want to play bridge, we have to begin with the first round. That's why we have all those rules which permit us to survive until the second round, beginning of sessionhaving been defined as only the first round.
Here are our rules, not necessarily in order of priority:
- we cannot make my partner play a difficult contract;
- we can never double for penalty;
- a situation that has never occurred must not happen, even if it is part of our bidding system;
Corollary: a situation that has not occurred in a long time falls into the category situation that has never occurred; - we must not play against players we don't like;
- anything that you can think of must not happen;
- anything that you can never think of must never happen either.
You play 4♠:
The lead is Jack of diamonds. East takes with the King and plays back a diamond.
What are your chances? Write that down, naturally, in order to avoid saying after reading the solution: It's obvious I would have played that way. I know, that's what I always say.
While you're pondering, let's continue; everybody knows that a double finesse has a 75% chance of success.
If you have:
and you take two successive finesses (small twice towards AJ109), you should make three tricks 75% of the time.
My partner, though, always plays this combination this way: first, like a big girl, she plays small towards the Jack which loses to an Honour. Back in dummy, she plays another small card towards her hand and, if East plays small, she hesitates, hesitates, hesitates and, unable to resist, always plays the Ace, catching air 75% of the time, and the other Honour 25% of the time.
Voilà!, you know now the reason behind my title. We explained this many times to her, but she continues to play in this fashion.
You see, in real life, my wife is an auditor and nothing escapes her. The little devilswho try to sneak by her are always caught and walk straight afterwards.
At the bridge table, my partner continues her hunt for the little devils who hide behind her with KQ or QJ tight. And, if ever she takes the double finesse (against all her bones and soul) and the two honours were tight behind her, we hear all sorts of things about our so-called probabilities.
After your Queen of diamond, you examine the situation; your still have 3 losers : one spade, one heart and one club (the other club goes on the Ace of diamond). You play Ace of spade, 7, 3, 2. Small heart towards dummy, West jumps on the Ace, plays Ace of clubs and a heart. You play a spade from dummy, 8 from East, ???
Why did West play his Club Ace? One should always be suspicious of a player who wins an Ace in a situation without any urgency. By playing the Ace of clubs, doesn't he tell you he has the 4th trick for defence in his hand, the Queen of spades?
He most certainly has the Queen of spades and, if he has Qxx, you will go down. You play the King, catching the Queen doubleton.
Back to your home, you show this problem to your partner, well prepared to present her your scientific dissertation on the count of HCP, psychology, probabilities, 75%, 50%, 25%, etc. In two seconds, she says: I play the King!
Proud of her (and mainly of yourself for teaching her so well), you ask why and she replies promptly:
"West, that little devil, has put me back in dummy to force me into a finesse in spades, do you think he can fool me? They're all the same, all little devils!"
The Logic of Women
Travelling in France, more precisely in Fougères (south of St-Malo), my wife discovers in a shop a small candy box with irresistible colours (tomato and crowned with a turquoise line) that she decides to buy for her sister. Absolutely beautiful.
Leaving Fougères, I learn that we will have to find a solid container to transport this fragile vase ! Logic, I tell myself.
The next day, we pass through Villedieu-les-Poêles (Villedieu-the-Pans literally). Why this name? Because there they just make and sell pots and pans. Always logic! Walking through the village, there is however a problem: there are 80 shops of stoves and pans. Where to buy?
My wife, eminently logical, asks the butcher: When you want to buy cooking things, where do you go? And the butcher tells us of a mill, Mauviel, just outside the village.
My wife goes in there with the mission to buy an oval casserole large enough to house the poor little candy box. These Mauviel pots, it must be said, are the best in the world: copper outside (the copper is the best conductor of heat) and stainless steel inside. The candy box finally finds refuge in the casserole and everyone heaves a big sigh of relief.
However, when we go to pay, we learn that we cannot enjoy the Tax-free (18%) unless we buy for a higher amount. We then buy something else to achieve this amount. Logic, I said to myself, a little dizzy by the speed of the women’s mind. At the very least, I put it in the box To-understand-later, wondering if I will ever one day access this higher form of intelligence. We spend 100 Euros more and in order to save 50. Logical, no? To convince me even more, my wife puts an end to any hint of "But…" by saying: "We saved money because, even if the cooker had cost twice as much, I would have bought anyway!"
Imagine all the Taxes that we could have saved then!
Change of subject, but always in the same vein: do you know why my wife, a former smoker, no longer wants to smoke ? Because she knows now she can stop! I know, I know, this form of logic escapes you, you’re probably still trying to understand the episode of the pots and pans, but we must recognize one day that we, men, are inferior beings.
So I don’t really know why I bother to ask the next question, because I am sure you will fail miserably: what is a finesse ? And don’t answer me like they do in France: "But, sir??" As if the answer was obvious. Let’s see an example, maybe you will understand better (I hope. If so, you will explain me later).
Suppose you play the Queen, West plays small, dummy plays small and East wins the King. Have you taken a finesse ?
According to my wife, No, because East won its King. Now suppose you play the Queen and West covers, you win the Ace.
Have you taken a finesse ? Still No, since West played its King.
The only real finesse, according to my wife, is this: you play the Queen and it goes small, small, small, no matter the position of King. Brilliant, I tell myself sometimes at night, when I have insomnia.
You play 3NT with a diamond lead.
I played this hand in Biarritz against French world champions Adad-Aujaleu.
There are many tricks available in diamonds and clubs, but how can you cash them ?
Communications are almost nonexistent. You can unblock in diamonds, play a heart to the Queen (necessary for the success of the contract) and play King of Diamonds and diamond, but I chose another line.
As you have to place the Ace of clubs on your left to avoid the killing spade switch through your King, I played a club at the 2nd trick, and dummy’s Queen won. A little relieved, I played another club from dummy. West ducked, of course (not my partner to other table, but he has a good excuse : he is not world champion). I returned to hand with a Diamond and I played the club King, West won the Ace. West had started with 4 diamonds and 4 clubs.
West returned a diamond, dummy’s King won and I am locked in dummy. What to do now?
Do you see the solution? If you have never bought a casserole in Villedieu-les-Poêles to house a candy box for the sister of your wife, and if you did not then spent 100 Euros more in order to save 50, you do not have access to this way of thinking, to this form of logic that would have confused St. Thomas himself.
Think about it a little: if the heart finesse was necessary to the success of this contract, then the King has to be with West.
And it is still there, because cards do not travel during the play.
I played the Queen of hearts from dummy, unblocking the 10 from hand, sort of reverse finesse, apparently outlandish, but quite logical, that I have learned by shopping with my wife.
Well, my friends, there was a long silence. Adad, to my right, threw me a glance meaning without doubt: This guy plays like my wife!
Aujaleu, to my left, also threw me a glance, put his cards on the table and began to think, a good 5 minutes, saying obviously to himself : Who is this guy? And how come he knows Adad's wife ?
I saw that they were stuck, the world champions. World Champions of what? Of men, and only men.
If Aujaleu takes his heart King and his Ace of Spades (him or his partner), I will make the rest. If he ducks the heart Queen, I end play him in diamonds and the result is the same. After a good amount of time, Aujaleu decided to duck, hoping for the 9 of hearts with his partner.
I end played him in diamonds and he returned a club. I won and played the Jack of hearts, he covered and I then made the 9 in my hand for 10 tricks, a gain of only 1 Imp, but an important psychological victory (we won the match by one mile).
How would you call this play ?
Follow closely : the finesse is good, but we don’t take it. Not only we don’t take it, but we don’t take it because it is good. Pretty deep, no ?
And when we play the heart Queen from dummy, we make a reverse finesse, as the original finesse was good.
Still following ?
And when West ducks the heart King, well, we obtain the exact definition of a finesse according to my wife.
Would you like me now to explain the logic behind the buying of the casserole and the 100 Euros spent in order to save 50 ?
Not today, you say ? Too bad.
I leave you still with this thought:
The next time someone tells you play as a woman, say Thank you and be grateful to your wife because, by forcing you to shop with her, she educated you and succeeded in getting you out of your macho thinking.
Leaving Fougères, I learn that we will have to find a solid container to transport this fragile vase ! Logic, I tell myself.
The next day, we pass through Villedieu-les-Poêles (Villedieu-the-Pans literally). Why this name? Because there they just make and sell pots and pans. Always logic! Walking through the village, there is however a problem: there are 80 shops of stoves and pans. Where to buy?
My wife, eminently logical, asks the butcher: When you want to buy cooking things, where do you go? And the butcher tells us of a mill, Mauviel, just outside the village.
My wife goes in there with the mission to buy an oval casserole large enough to house the poor little candy box. These Mauviel pots, it must be said, are the best in the world: copper outside (the copper is the best conductor of heat) and stainless steel inside. The candy box finally finds refuge in the casserole and everyone heaves a big sigh of relief.
However, when we go to pay, we learn that we cannot enjoy the Tax-free (18%) unless we buy for a higher amount. We then buy something else to achieve this amount. Logic, I said to myself, a little dizzy by the speed of the women’s mind. At the very least, I put it in the box To-understand-later, wondering if I will ever one day access this higher form of intelligence. We spend 100 Euros more and in order to save 50. Logical, no? To convince me even more, my wife puts an end to any hint of "But…" by saying: "We saved money because, even if the cooker had cost twice as much, I would have bought anyway!"
Imagine all the Taxes that we could have saved then!
Change of subject, but always in the same vein: do you know why my wife, a former smoker, no longer wants to smoke ? Because she knows now she can stop! I know, I know, this form of logic escapes you, you’re probably still trying to understand the episode of the pots and pans, but we must recognize one day that we, men, are inferior beings.
So I don’t really know why I bother to ask the next question, because I am sure you will fail miserably: what is a finesse ? And don’t answer me like they do in France: "But, sir??" As if the answer was obvious. Let’s see an example, maybe you will understand better (I hope. If so, you will explain me later).
Suppose you play the Queen, West plays small, dummy plays small and East wins the King. Have you taken a finesse ?
According to my wife, No, because East won its King. Now suppose you play the Queen and West covers, you win the Ace.
Have you taken a finesse ? Still No, since West played its King.
The only real finesse, according to my wife, is this: you play the Queen and it goes small, small, small, no matter the position of King. Brilliant, I tell myself sometimes at night, when I have insomnia.
You play 3NT with a diamond lead.
I played this hand in Biarritz against French world champions Adad-Aujaleu.
There are many tricks available in diamonds and clubs, but how can you cash them ?
Communications are almost nonexistent. You can unblock in diamonds, play a heart to the Queen (necessary for the success of the contract) and play King of Diamonds and diamond, but I chose another line.
As you have to place the Ace of clubs on your left to avoid the killing spade switch through your King, I played a club at the 2nd trick, and dummy’s Queen won. A little relieved, I played another club from dummy. West ducked, of course (not my partner to other table, but he has a good excuse : he is not world champion). I returned to hand with a Diamond and I played the club King, West won the Ace. West had started with 4 diamonds and 4 clubs.
West returned a diamond, dummy’s King won and I am locked in dummy. What to do now?
Do you see the solution? If you have never bought a casserole in Villedieu-les-Poêles to house a candy box for the sister of your wife, and if you did not then spent 100 Euros more in order to save 50, you do not have access to this way of thinking, to this form of logic that would have confused St. Thomas himself.
Think about it a little: if the heart finesse was necessary to the success of this contract, then the King has to be with West.
And it is still there, because cards do not travel during the play.
I played the Queen of hearts from dummy, unblocking the 10 from hand, sort of reverse finesse, apparently outlandish, but quite logical, that I have learned by shopping with my wife.
Well, my friends, there was a long silence. Adad, to my right, threw me a glance meaning without doubt: This guy plays like my wife!
Aujaleu, to my left, also threw me a glance, put his cards on the table and began to think, a good 5 minutes, saying obviously to himself : Who is this guy? And how come he knows Adad's wife ?
I saw that they were stuck, the world champions. World Champions of what? Of men, and only men.
If Aujaleu takes his heart King and his Ace of Spades (him or his partner), I will make the rest. If he ducks the heart Queen, I end play him in diamonds and the result is the same. After a good amount of time, Aujaleu decided to duck, hoping for the 9 of hearts with his partner.
I end played him in diamonds and he returned a club. I won and played the Jack of hearts, he covered and I then made the 9 in my hand for 10 tricks, a gain of only 1 Imp, but an important psychological victory (we won the match by one mile).
How would you call this play ?
Follow closely : the finesse is good, but we don’t take it. Not only we don’t take it, but we don’t take it because it is good. Pretty deep, no ?
And when we play the heart Queen from dummy, we make a reverse finesse, as the original finesse was good.
Still following ?
And when West ducks the heart King, well, we obtain the exact definition of a finesse according to my wife.
Would you like me now to explain the logic behind the buying of the casserole and the 100 Euros spent in order to save 50 ?
Not today, you say ? Too bad.
I leave you still with this thought:
The next time someone tells you play as a woman, say Thank you and be grateful to your wife because, by forcing you to shop with her, she educated you and succeeded in getting you out of your macho thinking.
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